I've been up here all night thinking about this, thinking about my destiny.

I stayed up last night. Just thinking. Trying to fix this, trying to win back some mental normality on this situation I've found myself in.

I know everyone has problems, and I'm not usually one to moan, because I equally know that a lot of the time, problems aren't really problems at all, they're just teenage hormones making something out of nothing, making people think 'I'm the only one, no one has it as bad as me'. I know I could never be like that, but nevertheless, this is a problem. This is one of those problems which is a problem. Please forgive me if I moan.

So I thought, last night. It lead to me being very... not ok. I'm never not ok. In fact, look at me, I can barely even bring myself to say how I was feeling, let alone talk about why. But anyway, suffice to say that it was unsettling, so I stayed up until I sorted myself out, because I'm better than that.

I kind of stopped when I imagined what it'd be like in hindsight, looking back from when this is all over and then I suddenly realised that maybe I should listen to all the advice I given to other people. So I did.

And for your information I am a fucking genius.

Even if I did get myself into this mess in the first place. I shall reap what I have sown.
I will be forever haunted by myself, telling me to man it the fuck out.


p.s. I want to tell you everything.