Curse of the Nines

Everyone dies. Actually, can I start that again? Everyone deserves a death. Mortality is what it is to be alive. Death is just part of being human. When I was a kid I always had this idea that I'd go out in some awesome, action packed pirate related circumstance on 9/9/09, no less. (I guess the date could be right!) But I suppose it just happens, you can't choose how or when, its just something thats decided for you. I'm not here to say 'Don't do this' or 'Stop being like that', in fact I don't even want you to listen, I just want to write down what I feel I need to because if it does disappear to the ether then I'd like it to be remembered somehow. I know you've heard the same stuff a thousand times, but maybe it is something I need to say. Just value life! Value every single second of it. Because my God is it short. Why do we treat days like days, when we could treat them like weeks? Treat life properly, don't do what I'm doing, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

Some people are afraid of death, me? No. I'm more terrified than afraid. But why? I don't really understand how someone can be afraid of something which is part of who they are? Something that will happen as sure as the sun will rise or our heart will beat. I would say it is a fear of the unknown, but humans are instinctively inquisitive, we always want to know 'whats under that rock', or 'what happens if I do this', so why not the same with death? People never usually like to talk about death, its one of those things that doesn't really tend to pop up in conversation, a lot of people are offended by the concept of it. But I have always seemed to be the one to spark it up. I just wonder, like everyone I suppose, is there somewhere we go? Is it heaven or hell? Is it reincarnation? Darkness? Nothing? I am not afraid of dying, that's a given, I'm more afraid of death. I'm afraid of the judgement, what if I haven't done the right things or been the right person? Well, maybe I am more afraid of the fact that there may be no judgement, just.... nothing.

Is there a right thing to do? How do you prepare for this? Religion? Should it be treated like accepting an addiction? Or does it just happen, catching you unaware? But if that is the case then what if your last thought is the wrong one? What if you're scratching your balls or drinking alcohol? There is no way to prepare, is there? I guess you just wait, but what kind of a life is that? Living for death is not any way to live. Its like this game I have, Ocarina of Time. I love it, but I will never finish it. Not because its hard, just because I don't want it to end. I'm not playing to finish it, I'm playing it for the enjoyment of playing it. Its the same with life, I don't live to die, I live to be alive. I just worry about these things, little things really. I mean death isn't the worst thing, death should never be hidden from or feared, it should be just one of those things that happens, another adventure in your life, not even an ending, a sunset is still only the start of the night, after all.

Death is just one of those things which is undefinable. You have to experience it yourself to know. I don't think death should be so heavily associated with religion. Like, 'If you die, you will go to hell unless you're a devoted Christian' or something. I think that instead of being born into a religion and almost brainwashed into one narrowminded way of life, we should each be able to choose what we want, take me for example. I wouldn't say my family are religious, but I think everyone in it would like to beleive there is something else, a guiding force, a heaven, etc., but its not any kind of devotion really, they don't go to church, or even pray, they all drink, but deep down they all think there is a greater force. When I was young I was a complete atheist, but then I kind of adopted a more spiritual point of view, I learned to be more open-minded to everything, and it changed me, it really did. I'd like to say for the better, but I guess thats relative depending on whats 'right'. When I say spiritual, I don't mean 'oh i believe in ghosts and magic and flowers' I mean like, fatalism, destiny, like religion but mixed with evolution, it changes quite frequently depending on what happens to me, which I think is the best way really - nothing should stay static.

But because I'm only taking morals and philosophies from other places, I've never really got round to thinking through what happens after death. I just can't seem to wrap my head around it. Everything else, yeah, I'll sit there and I'll think about something until it makes sense, but death is just something that's never clicked.

Maybe it's just like before we were born. Nobody knows what it was like before birth, hell I don't even know what happened up until I was about 2 or something. Maybe death is like an undoing of that. Maybe we just slip back into that state, whatever that was. Or maybe it was nothing. Just drift off into the void, not consious to anything, not even unconcious. Just nothing.

Or maybe it is some kind of creative... fountain. We all just fuel the future, shape the world, we are inspiration, we are life. Or maybe we are, collectively, God. Or maybe death invites us to become Gods, sculpting the lives of others, so that we can help with our experiences and advice at hand.

Maybe death happens because we finally accept it. Maybe the moment that we discover what it means, what there is beyond life, then we die. Or maybe the information is so incredibly powerful that we just die, in complete ecstacy that we finally know.

As I said, it is not important, just like wondering how the sun rises isn't important - its just nice, it happens. I don't need to know how it happens to enjoy it, but being human means I do.